my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
