i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
