dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
