I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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