We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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