I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
