I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
