her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
