I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
