Don't you send me to vm
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
