There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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