i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You may now shotgun with the bride
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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