My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
