I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
