Sponge bath it is.
I can text with my tongue
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
