consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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