Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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