I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
