He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
