I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
