Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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