The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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