Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
