I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
