Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
