Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
