remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
