oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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