"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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