Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
