Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
