I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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