she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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