He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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