State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
