walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
