You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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