I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
