you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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