So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
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I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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