Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
