I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Those nachos came to me in a dream
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
