Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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