Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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