Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
