how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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