If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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