ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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