two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
