That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
