I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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