my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
