it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
