Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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