theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Boobs speak an international language.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
