You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
