remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
