So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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