How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
