I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
