Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
