just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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