mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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