Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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