His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
