You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
