i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
