I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
