Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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