Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
