Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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