did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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