These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
