tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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