So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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