You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
