I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it because I queefed?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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