We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
