my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
