my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
