She's JV to your varsity
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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