i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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