I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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